Doubts about continuing on in academia: to carry on, or not?

In our newest "how can we help you?" thread, Questioning Their Career asks:

I'm close to finishing my PhD - I could be done this coming year if I so choose - and I'm not sure what to do next. I'm just not sure that I really like this work anymore. In the last month or so, I have absolutely dreaded the very thought of writing, and even just talking about philosophy, whether with professor, friends, or students, feels painful at times. I know this is a common reaction to finishing up a dissertation - none of my friends have liked their work by the end of it - and so this could just be the result of burnout. I also know that I now am closer to a professional philosopher than I've ever been, though. I have a much clearer sense of what the job is now than I ever did in the past. I don't think I should just dismiss my current antipathy because it might go away in the future.

I also currently have an opportunity to pursue a very different kind of work that I have good reasons to think I could find deeply meaningful and enjoyable, and my life on that path would be much easier if I started the pursuit sooner rather than later. I plan to finish my dissertation regardless, but my plans for going on the job market and all that would entail would seriously conflict with my ability to start on this alternate path.

This has all left me feeling deeply conflicted. I've poured so much of myself into pursuing this degree and a position in this profession. Being an academic feels like a deep part of me. I've also, historically, loved it. It's sometimes been bad just like any job, but that's never made me doubt that I should pursue it. It feels like I could be throwing something away needlessly because of a temporary setback.

I'm hoping for some insight into what sorts of factors have lead folks either to decide to carry on with academia despite some significant doubts or to leave the profession. I think hearing about others' experiences would help me to better understand whether what I'm experiencing now is a case of mere burnout or something more serious. Thank you all so much for any insight you might have!

I'm sorry to hear that the OP is going though this, and I empathize. It is a great and very understandable query, and I'm curious to hear from readers.

Derek Bowman submitted the following reply:

This sounds much like the experience - or series of experiences - I went through finishing my dissertation and going on the job market while adjuncting post-PhD. And it was just the sorts of questions you are asking which motivated me to solicit and publish the interviews I did at Free Range Philosophers. I have lots of thoughts to share on this - probably too many to share here (but feel free to look up my contact information and reach out). But here's a brief answer to your question: I decided to leave academia after two rounds on the job market and finding myself stuck in a poorly paid adjunct position. Then I decided to stay, at least temporarily, when I was offered a well-paid, teaching intensive VAP. Then I decided to leave again when the VAP ran out, and I'm in the process of trying to make a career shift. I don't regret the choices I made, but I also didn't have the sort of specific opportunity to do something else that you allude. If I had, I would have done that rather than applying for the VAP, and I would probably now be better off.

I guess I'll just say that I've known a number of people who left academic for good industry careers, and virtually all of them seem happier, with better pay and work-life balance, than they were in academia. I myself pushed on through a serious bout of falling out of love with academic philosophy in grad school, and was fortunately able to recapture my love for what I do--and today, after suffering long and hard on the job market years ago, finally getting a job and tenure, I could myself pretty happy with the choice. However, if I am being fully honest, I've never been entirely sure whether I'm happier in philosophy than I would be had I left. My main reason for staying was that I didn't have any promising prospects outside of academia because I never had a 'Plan B'. 

For what it's worth, that all that I can say to weigh in. But I'm very curious to hear from readers, particularly those who have struggled with similar things, either leaving academia or carrying on. Do you have any potentially helpful tips, experiences, or other insights for the OP?

Comments

[goforit]

My gut feeling based on the description is that OP should pursue the alternative, *if* they see a good chance that they can make it and find the job deeply meaningful and enjoyable. (Like, compare the chances of both routes and the enjoyment levels.)

I am not in best position to give advice because academic is the only deeply meaningful and enjoyable job for me, where most of the work I do is for my own sake. But if you have an alternative that gives you the same or more fulfillment, I really think you should go for it.

[anonymous grad student]

I am also close to finishing my PhD and could finish in a year. My CV is decent and has potential to get me a job at an "okay" school. Right now, I don't have an alternate path opening up before me, but I do have a Plan B, (with no guarantee that this backup plan would itself pan out). I am also questioning whether I want to stay in academic philosophy, but for slightly different reasons. I'm sharing them in case they provide something to reflect on for the OP or for others.

I LOVE philosophy. But I hate teaching philosophy... under the conditions that it is taught in institutional settings. I love teaching philosophy in the form of one-on-one conversations, in small group settings where it's possible to form mentoring relationships, to students who don't treat it instrumentally, and to those who genuinely are choosing to do the work rather than being coerced in some sense (by parents, by "society," by their degree requirements, by the need for a grade, etc.). Unfortunately, the way higher ed is structured requires me to teach in precisely the ways I hate. I also do not appreciate the corporate ethos that is pervasive in higher ed teaching which frames my role as being one wherein I must be entertaining enough to sell philosophy to students. If they don't find the ideas themselves worth caring about, I don't want to convince them to care! Not caring about philosophy is legitimate; there are many good things to care about, and we don't all have to care about the same ones; students shouldn't pretend they care when they don't; likewise, I don't want to have to pretend to care about teaching those who don't care.

I do also LOVE research. I get burned out when I put in too-long hours, but setting that aside, I do generally love it.

Conundrum: getting a standard academic job seems to be the only way to fund one's ability to do research regularly (unless one is independently wealthy or makes enough at some part-time job, but even then there are drawbacks (those that pertain to being an independent scholar)).

So I am trying to figure out if it's worth it to pursue an academic job. It seems this will depend on how little *institutional* teaching I can get away with doing.

My question to the OP is just: which part of academic philosophy does it seem to be that is causing the dread? (I've heard from others who've finished PhDs that they simply needed to do hands-on, creative work *alongside* academic stuff.) Second question: do you have work experience outside of the academy? This might help you determine if it's a case of genuinely being over philosophy or a case of "grass is always greener," or something else.

[Love the Sin, Hate the Sin Market]

I have been moving from one temporary post to another over many years, moving countries, moving continents, and (not my preference) moving subject areas. The main piece of advice I have received over the years has been the comforting but unhelpful "I can't believe you don't have a TT job yet with your record! Keep trying!"

Through all of this instability and rejection, I have never stopped enjoying research, teaching, and academic life in general. I even enjoyed most academic admin jobs I've had, but that's definitely an idiosyncracy, plus some good luck in my service roles. Thanks to academic life, I haven't been bored for at least 10 years. I can't imagine what the past 4-8 years would have been like if I hadn't loved the intellectual side of it all, because the human side has not been good: greatly inhibiting chances relationships, friendships, and even hobbies. And I've been luckier than most people on the job market!

If I were in your position, I think I'd try writing a quick paper on a topic that is close to my thesis but different. I did this anyway straight after my PhD. I found that it really helped my thinking, and gave me a healthy emotional distance from my thesis's arguments and conclusions. If that didn't work, I would try something else, because I wouldn't be on the job market if I didn't love the 'job' side of it (I just wish that the 'market' was different). There are much better jobs for QoLs and pay out there, and most people I know who have left the job market are happy.

[Bill Vanderburgh]

The idea of sunk costs seems relevant here. Just because you have invested a lot in an academic career so far does not mean that you should invest more. If you have a "sure thing" outside academia that would be fulfilling and remunerative, I think you should take it. If you pursue the academic path, you are likely in for a year or three of further suffering and low pay, and then still will only have moderate chances of winning the golden ticket, a prize you aren't really sure you want anyway.

[Assistant Professor]

Just a quick remark on the following passage:

"I have absolutely dreaded the very thought of writing, and even just talking about philosophy, whether with professor, friends, or students, feels painful at times. I know this is a common reaction to finishing up a dissertation - none of my friends have liked their work by the end of it - and so this could just be the result of burnout"

The first sentence speaks of talking about philosophy, while the second speaks of a student's own work. I'm unsure which of these the poster meant to say they are sick of, but I think this is an important distinction for diagnosing the issue. Loads of late-stage PhD students are sick to death of their particular area of research. And even those who aren't might completely dread talking about it or writing. But while both were true for me, I never got sick of philosophy, and never have. I think if the poster still likes chatting and maybe even a little reading about other kinds of philosophy they should put more weight on staying in the profession than if they're sick of all of it.

[Chris]

For what it's worth, I got so sick of philosophy by *3rd year undergrad* that I spent a year taking only English lit courses and having a virtual allergy to philosophical discussions, never enjoying reading the stuff, etc. - 14 years later, I am five years into my first faculty position in Philosophy, loving it, and can see myself extremely happily and gratefully doing this for the next 30 years. So it's at least possible that it's just burnout. (A meditation practice and lots of deliberate attention to work-life balance etc. have helped tremendously in getting to this point.)

[postdoc]

Few years ago I was in an extremely similar situation to OP. I decided to go for academia, and now I pretty much literally hate both the subject and the system. What is likely to happen to OP is this: you will be overworked and extremely stressed, the social atmosphere in the profession will make you depressed and paranoid, and temporary positions are a nightmare. As a result your burnout will get much worse, and in consequence you will become sick of philosophy itself. You have a good opportunity to get out - finish the PhD and take another path. Hopefully in that way you might be able to look fondly at the time of your studies.